


Not the Emergency We Expected

by Draskireis



Category: Check Please! (Webcomic)
Genre: Chowder needs a drink, Mentions of ancillary OMCs/OFCs, Misinterpreted singing, Team as Family
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-21
Updated: 2018-03-21
Packaged: 2019-04-06 05:21:53
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,784
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14049810
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Draskireis/pseuds/Draskireis
Summary: Nursey hears Dex singing break-up songs from well down the hall.  Chowder gets called in to deal with the problem.





	Not the Emergency We Expected

‘Chow.  I have a mission for you.  It’s not optional.’

‘Hi, Lardo.’  Chowder kept his tone conversational.  ‘How are _you_?  What can I help you with?  Is this an emergency, or can it wait until, say, I finish lunch with my lovely girlfriend?  It’s not like you can effectively threaten me with a lack of dibs.’  Okay, maybe it slid a bit toward snark at the end.

Beside him, Farmer snerked and kept eating.  She scooted closer, though, and leaned in so she could hear the conversation.  She draped her free hand around his shoulders and it was just the best thing.

‘It’s an emergency.  Ransom will meet you on the way—at Founder’s, assuming you and Cait are going to be finishing up at East Quad.  You _are_ at East Quad dining, yes?’

‘How do you know that?’

‘Spy network.  Super powers.  Take your pick.  Also, not the point.  Finish up in five to ten if you can.  I—’

There came the noise of a phone being passed off mid-sentence.

‘Chowder, honey, if you would get on this _now_ , I will cater you and your darling girlfriend a dinner to your specifications.  You may be the only one that can handle this one.’

‘Wow you’re all being hella cryptic.   Am I walking into a trap?  Did someone die?’

Caitlin was making faces at the phone, now, and trying not to laugh.  There was a clunk as Lardo’s phone got dropped—grabbed?—in any event, there was a click as the call ended.  Chowder’s phone rang again immediately.  It was Ransom this time.

‘No one’s dead.  Dex, according to Nursey—who’s over in Olin for unstated reasons—is wigging the fuck out.  He’s apparently in his room singing like he’s been drinking.  Nursey said he could hear him down the hall.  Texted Holster, who got this whole conspiratorial assembly going—which is the opposite of helpful, bro, but I still appreciate you—and you’re probably the only person Dex’d let in to see what the hell’s going on.’

By this point, Cait was inhaling food that wasn’t easily carried.  Chowder piled his dishes onto hers to combine their trays as he listened. 

‘Snag Holster’s car, pick me up at the street corner by the post office in five.  I accept Bitty’s offer of a catered dinner date.  If it’s at the Haus, then only he can be present.  I’m gonna get food to carry out and will be waiting.’

He hung up and looked at Cait.  He carried the trays over to the grill station—fortunately, it was California burger day rather than, like, sloppy joes or something else horribly messy.  Even if the burgers’ only claim to being Californian was terrible guac.  Cait took one; Chowder took two.

‘Any idea what could be up?’

‘If Nursey’s calling Holster, he’s worried rather than angry, so they’re not the problem.  Unexpectedly.  If Rans and Holster aren’t on it, it’s not gonna be hockey-related, right?’

‘Yeah, Captains’d be all over that.  Probably not—well, hopefully not?—boy trouble.  Things seem like they’re going so well with him and Louis.  Even if Nursey looks like he’s gotten shanked every time he sees them cuddling.  If it’s family stuff, I’d think Bitty would be the one to take point?’

‘Fuck.  It’s probably boy-related.  Or, at least, Nursey thinks it is.  Anyway, I should run—Ransom might be waiting by now.  I’ll keep you updated!  Have a good class.  Love you.’

They dropped their trays on the conveyer belt.  Chowder took his burgers, one in each hand.  Cait wrapped hers in napkins as they left the dining hall.  She gave Chris a hug, which he returned—carefully, because burger-hands.

‘Love you, babe.  Go save Dex from himself.  See you at dinner?  Remind Bitty when you’re setting up the catering that strawberries are better without rhubarb, no matter what Nursey says.’

‘Will do—byeeeeeeee!’

Ransom was pulling up to the corner as Chowder ran up to it, burger in each hand.  Seeing this, he leaned over and opened up the door to prevent casualties.  Chowder offered him one of the burgers; Ransom declined.  They were moving again before Chowder got his seatbelt on.

‘Hey.  Sorry about all this.’

‘So.’  He said, after swallowing a bite, ‘does anyone _actually_ know what’s happening?’

‘Nurse texted Adam that—direct quote—Dex is singing Instant Pleasure like he’s just discovered irony and I can’t decide if it’s really pretty, really sad, or both.  Nursey tried the door, but it was locked and he wasn’t brave enough to knock.’

Chowder exchanged a look with Ransom.  Everyone felt that Nursey’s pining was getting a bit… old.  He started in on his second burger.

‘So we’re assuming this is related to Louis?’

‘Seems likely.  He won’t trust me or Holster about this if it is, Lardo isn’t great at dealing with hysterics, and Bits… well.  If it is a breakup, then Dex’s penchant for envy might get in the way of them actually talking things out properly.  Where by “properly” I mean in any way that would be helpful to Dex.  And, well, Nursey—just… no.’

They pulled up to Dex’s dorm.

‘Which leaves me.’

‘Of the parts of the team that Dex socializes with, yeah.’

‘So what’s the plan?  I just go… knock on his door?  Like I’d been planning to stop by?  On a day when I’m normally getting lunch with Cait?  What are _you_ gonna be doing with this?’

‘I’m gonna be out here—or, well, in the nearest parking spot.  With my phone out.  Waiting for word and instruction.  Like, if you need anything.  Or if he needs anyone in particular.’

Chowder laughed, unexpected and sharp.  ‘Y’all are my _minions_ today!’

‘And that’s a shot when we’re all through with this.’

‘Darn it.  You’re right, though.  Well, I’m off.’

Chowder swiped himself into Olin and climbed up to the third floor.  Someone had drawn a giant fish on the tile walls—a mix of, like, four different species.  Someone else—multiple someones—had been practicing their verb conjugations.  Dex’s room was midway down the dorm’s sole hallway.  Chowder found Nursey in the common room a couple doors down.

‘You okay, dude?’

‘Chowder!  Hey.  Uh, it’s—I'm—chill.’

‘Uh huh.  You’re just hanging out, without even any writing materials or a book, in the common room closest to Dex’s room twenty minutes—at least—after you reported a crisis that wormed its way through the entire team to land on _my_ shoulders, and it’s chill.’

‘Um.’

‘Ransom’s in Holster’s car.  Go find him.  I’m too busy right now to pretend to not notice your pining, but it’ll all be okay.  If not now, then in the longer term.  He’ll be okay, you’ll be okay, and so on.  But we might need the common room if his room’s, like, a bad place or whatever.  So you need to be not here, k?’

He must have had his goalie face on, because Nursey damn near saluted on his way out.  It was useful, but so much effort.  Plus, people didn’t take him seriously unless he stopped appearing happy, which was super dumb.  He could be happy and serious at the same time.

The music wasn’t quite at hear-it-down-the-hallway-casually volumes, but Chowder could definitely hear Dex yell-singing along with the female vocalist (who. needs. love. when there’s law and orrrrrrrder and who. needs. love. when there’s duuuuukes of haaaaazard and), and yeah.  Knocking was definitely in order.  Well, thumping on the door to be heard.

The singing stopped.  The music stopped.  There were footsteps toward the door, which opened.  To reveal a disheveled Poindexter, flushed and slightly puffy-eyed.  Crying, maybe, but not recently?  The moment stretched, and guilt flickered across Dex’s face, followed by confusion, before settling back into a Nursey-esque calm-that-wasn’t-quite.

‘Chowder.  Hey.  What’s up?’

‘Your volume, dude.  You okay?’

‘Yeah.  Why?’

‘Um, well.  I was coming to see if you wanted to hang out and, like, I could hear your music?  And your singing?  From down the hall?  Also, Nursey’s fake chill is rubbing off on your habits and it needs to stop.’

‘Only if he stops.’

‘This is not a pissing contest we need to have just now, Dex.  Chillness aside, are you okay?  If you say yes, I don’t know that I’ll believe you, for the record.  Can I come in?’

‘Yeah, might be better to have this discussion not in the hallway.  I am fine, though.’

Chowder gave him a Look, and stepped into Dex’s room.  He hadn’t actually _been_ to Dex’s room yet this year—the Haus was always easier to get to than Olin and Norris, particularly since Nursey had moved to a dorm on the north side of campus, nearer Faber.  It was a reasonably sized single—a bit bigger than Chowder’s room in the Haus, but located approximately hell-and-gone from the rest of the world.

That might have been intentional.

There were posters and a very few pictures—framed—on the walls in neat grids, nerdy things and family.  The one picture on his desk was kid-Dex being held upside down by a teenager—maybe a brother?  Even if the guy’s hair was brown?—and both of them grinning like madmen.  Odds good that was the elusive Ryan.  Not a good time to ask.

‘So.’

‘You’re not at lunch with Farmer.  You got called in to handle the apparent histrionics?’  Dex waited; Chowder nodded.  ‘Someone was passing by, then—’

‘This is supposed to be me directing the twenty questions, Dex.  Yes, I was sent as the person on the team you’d be likely to actually let talk to you in the state you were presumed to be in.  Can I?’  Chowder motioned to Dex’s bed.

Dex nodded, and slumped into his desk chair.

‘And what state is that?’  Dex raised an eyebrow.

‘I mean, you did appear to be singing break-up songs.  We worry—things seem so good with you and Louis.  You’ve been really happy, and we all like that.’

Dex grinned, lopsided and unselfconscious.

‘Yeahhhhh, I have been.  I am.’

‘So things are good with Louis?’

‘That was in doubt?’

‘Break-up songs.  At through-the-door volume.’

Dex was clearly hiding something.  Chowder wondered whether the goalie face or the puppy dog eyes would be the better tactic here.  The silence stretched—Dex was settling in.  Start with reasoning, then.

‘Look.  Literally the entirety of the Haus is currently worrying.  Ransom drove me over here and is waiting on my instructions.  Like, they’re all worried enough to be my _minions_ for the afternoon.  Which—would be great if it was for other reasons.  God, can you imagine how much fun that would be?’  Chowder paused, collecting himself.  Hypothetical glee was not useful here.  ‘Anyway.  At a minimum, to the degree that you’re alright, I need to be able to convince them of that.’

‘Yes, I’m fine.  Yes, things with Louis are going—you can blame Nursey for this; I certainly do—swimmingly.  We’re gonna be going out together to see Nursey’s slam tomorrow night.  The rest, well.  People are really that worried?  Not just, like intrusively curious?’’

Chowder matched Dex’s flat look with one of his own.

‘Really?  You’ve met this team, right?  Each and every one of us in the Haus is, like, hyperinvested in our friends’ wellbeings.  So, yes.  You are not spared this.  Now tell me something I can pass back along the chain of concerned gossips.’

‘Pushy.  Ugh.  I was singing at Kelly to make her feel better about her break-up.  You are sworn to secrecy on this, Chowder, so help me—’

‘Uh, why?  I mean, sure.  I’ll figure something out to tell people, but…’

‘Thanks.’  Dex’s face set in a fashion suggesting that there would be no further elaboration on why his sister’s break-up was classified.  Not a battle worth fighting.  He’d just say he was singing to his sister, probably that it was a dare of some kind.  Nevermind how Nursey would get all sad-jealous that Dex wouldn’t sing to _him_.

‘So you’re fine, then?’

‘Yeah.’

‘And you’d say if you weren’t?’

‘Yes, Chow.’

‘And you know that we’re intrusive assholes because we care?’

‘ _Yes_ , Chowder.  Now, I need to get back to my sister.  So, if you could like, go spin fascinating bullshit at the team..?  And then finish your lunch with Farmer if there’s still time, and apologize to her for me on behalf of _the entire team_.  Also, take notes for me in data structures?  This... is more important just now.’

‘Sure, Dex.  Go take care of your sister—I’ll keep your secrets.’

‘Thanks, Chowder.’

Chowder ambushed Dex with a quick hug, and then turned and sped out of the room before Dex had fully processed the gesture.  It wasn’t Chowder’s fault that Dex was bad at seeking out the affection he so clearly needed.

It was good he had Louis for at least some of that.

Chowder took the stairs down, bracing himself on the banisters and leaping down one landing to the next each jump and lazily swinging himself around the corners as he went.  He burst out of the side exit to Olin, by the common room that always smelled like death and burnt popcorn, and headed toward the parking lot he figured Ransom—and Nursey, hopefully—would be in. 

He jogged up to Holster’s car and got in the back when he saw Nursey in the front seat.  Nursey stopped talking when Chowder got in, flashing him an inquiring look.  Ransom looked up from where he was playing 2048 on his phone.

‘Home, James.’  Chowder mimicked Shitty’s trying-to-sound-rich accent.  He pulled on his seatbelt and shrugged at Nursey.

‘Who the fuck is James, Chowder?’

‘Uhhhh, since you’re my chauffeur right now, Ransom, that’d be you.’

‘Why..?’  Ransom pulled out of the parking lot.

‘Because _all_ generic chauffeurs are called James.  Back me up on this Nursey.’

‘Uhhhh, I mean, like, as a trope?  Yes.’

They got back to the Haus, and Nursey was clearly _dying_ to know what the hell was going on.  Chowder told him he’d explain it once, when everyone was all assembled, but not to worry—as if there were good outcomes for Nursey regardless of what had happened.

Someone—probably Nursey—had texted ahead, because Bitty, Lardo, and Holster were all sitting in the living room with an enormous plate of cookies when they got there.  Ransom snagged three cookies and draped himself across Holster and the chair he was in.  He fed one to Holster and crammed one of the others in his mouth.  Nursey seated himself between Bitty (on a blanket due to his misplaced grudge against the napping couch) and Lardo before taking a cookie himself.

‘So.  I would like to start by letting it be known that I’m kinda irked with all of you, given the nature of everything that went down today.  Dex deduced at least half of the chain that resulted in my pounding on his door, so it’s on your own heads if he asks questions.’  Chowder did not look at Nursey, because that would just be rubbing it in.  ‘Dex is fine.  He wouldn’t say why he was singing, although his sister’s laughter suggested it was a request or a dare or something, but he was singing to her at her behest.  Bitty, I’ll get you requests for the promised dinner date.’ 

Chowder paced back and forth in front of the TV.  That seemed enough information to cover why Dex had been singing.  Now to finish up with some distraction from the topic at hand.

‘Because I am a kind and gentle taskmaster, I won’t require that the lot of you vacate the Haus for it.  Also, some chocolate baked goods and an utter lack of questions would probably do well to smooth this over with Dex.  Although he doesn’t seem to get that he’s a valued part of the team—probably not the time to try to drive that point home, given what it got him today.’

Chris took a breath.  Stopped pacing.  Turned to face everyone.

‘It’s good that you all care, clearly.  It’s just a bit dumb that your care gets turned into required effort on my part, when I could have told you it was almost certainly a) not an issue and b) not the best way to approach things.  Nevermind interrupting my lunch with Caitlin.  So, on that note, I’mma go get ready for Data Structures, where fun goes to die.  There will be no questions at this time.’

Chowder walked out of the living room, taking a cookie on his way out, and bounded up the stairs to his room to get his book bag and stuff.

**Author's Note:**

> I had this image for a later part of Syn/Ack (based largely on Nursey's text to Holster), but the only PoV character who could have gone through the whole of the events that would have resulted was Chowder. It was immediately too long to be an ancillary section (which, in Syn/Ack, are gonna be with the team rather than further backstory stuff), so here we go with another one-shot spun off from The Two Generals Problem.
> 
> ...and now back to writing what I ought to be, so I can maintain even the slackerly posting schedule I've got for Backwards & Forwards.


End file.
